And many of the moms I know have been beaming over the demonstrations of love they've received from their families, smiling as they share birthstone necklaces and chocolates and flowers and sweet handmade cards. And it's wonderful that they are loved and appreciated by their spouses and children.
And all of that is lovely, truly, and every woman, myself included, would love new floors and new bling and cards decorated with sweet child's art. But at Mass this morning, I started to think about why Mother's Day has always felt a bit hollow for me, why it's always left me cringing just a bit. And I think it's not just because it's been so very commercialized, but that he focus is on thanking mom.
In the Christian context, motherhood is not a choice or a lifestyle or a job. It's a vocation. The calling lies with God, and the choice of the mother is simply whether or not to answer it. And like most things God calls us to do, it is both a blessing and a burden. In the case of motherhood, this has been clear since Eve. There's the gift of co-creating life, the warmth of baby snuggles (being enjoyed right now at the keyboard, actually), the joy of watching children learn, the pride of seeing them grow in understanding and independence. But there is a cross to be carried, too. Carrying and birthing children rips apart a mother's body; mornings begun all too early after sleepless nights with a toddler screaming "MOMMY UP NOW!!!" can bring one to tears. It can be oh-so-lonely, with days spent with snot- and spit-up-covered clothes and little adult conversation. Job opportunities passed by, meals made and thrown on the floor, diapers and clothes changed and changed again, toothpaste cleaned from sinks.
That's part of mom-world whatever your religious convictions may be, but the secular Mother's Day industry would have one believe that this should prompt thanks - shown, of course, by expensive gifts, cards, and brunches. I'd argue that, in the Christian context, thanks is less appropriate than empathy. You don't thank someone for their vocation - that comes from God. You can, however, support them in living that vocation - you can help them carry their cross. Even Christ recognized his cross as a blessing and a burden, and even he had help carrying it. And I don't think that talking about the sacrifice or cross of motherhood is ungrateful or that it takes away from the tremendous gift and blessing that it is. God's calling is always a gift, but it is never easy. And sometimes, no matter what the calling it, one needs help to live that calling. I read a terrific post this week in which a young mother speaks very honestly about the spiritual struggle of motherhood, and how it is impossible to carry the cross alone.
In the case of Mother's Day, maybe that doesn't look much different than celebrating a secular Mother's Day. Maybe some women find their burden lightened by jewelry - and that's cool. But overall, the context looks different: a young father gets up early to help with the get-everyone-breakfast-and-out-the-door madness - his wife's burden is lightened. A friend takes a birthmother out to lunch - and shoulders some of her cross on that day. A sister takes her niece or nephew to lunch - giving a single mother time to refresh herself before picking up her cross again. A grown daughter calls her lonely mother to chat for an hour - easing the weight of someone away from her children. A friend offers a hug to a woman suffering through miscarriages or infertility - showing love to the mother of children unborn. Kids pitch in to clean up their things or fold the laundry - for that day, they carry the cross with their mother, and she carries it less.
Motherhood is joyful. It is a blessing. It is a gift. My heart feels like it might explode every time I look at one of my dear, sweet, amazing children. But motherhood is also heavy, exhausting, and terrifying. It is lonely, and feels like drowning more than flying much of the time. And so if, as Christians and Catholics, we are to do something "appropriate" on Mother's Day, it might be not to say "thanks" or to "celebrate," but to help mothers carry the wonderful, awesome, heavy cross of their vocation in some way. In doing that we help carry Eve's cross, Sarah's cross, Rachel's cross, Elizabeth's cross, Mary's cross - Christ's cross. And to carry the cross - whatever it looks like - is the calling of every Christian.
My own grandma - a wonderful Christian who carried her cross and helped others carry theirs (and who received an awful lot of handmade Mother's Day cards).
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